Forbidden Fruit (apple rant)

The story of Adam and Eve is famous. It is a story of human nature, curiosity, temptation and the lure of the forbidden. Of all the trees in the Garden of Eden, Eve is tempted by the only one God forebode. She is convinced by the serpent to take just one bite of the forbidden fruit. What’s left? What has forever been the symbol of man’s fall from God’s grace? The apple with a bite out of it. Do you see where this is going?

Apple professes to have the best products, superior to PC. No viruses, no issues, totally integrated, blah, blah, blah… I’m so over it! Apple makes some pretty cool things, I’ll admit that! I could not live without my iPod, or iPhone! But I could live without the crazy bizarre world Apple has created.

I have a friend who has a Mac. Sheonly had her Mac for a year when one day out of the blue… Bam! The “rainbow of death” (that’s what Mac users call that rainbow circle that pops up on the screen whenever there Mac gets “confused”). It crashed! Yes, her precious, infallible Mac crashed! She had to get an entirely new hard drive (which she had to pay for), and she ended up losing a ton of files…

Now in isolation, this is no big deal, but as of late I have been hearing a lot of once loyal Apple users complaining about their computers. When they are working they are great, but when a Mac breaks down there’s hell to pay! It costs an arm and a leg to repair, and apparently they break down a lot more than the Apple pr team has led the public to believe!

My personal experience with Apple has been very frustrating to say the least. I am a proud PC owner and don’t have any plans to switch to a more expensive Mac in the near future. I do however own an Iphone. And in less than a year I have needed to replace it twice. The first time was my fault. I dropped the phone and the screen went white and hasn’t snapped out of it since. When I took it to the Apple store they gave some spiel about water damage and warranty replacement… blah blah blah, $400! So, like an addict I shelled over the $400 bones to get my new iPhone. Less than two months after that my volume button fell off. I went to the Apple store, they took a look at my iPhone and said I needed to make an appointment to come in and get a replacement iPhone. I thought this was insane since I just needed a button replaced, but I came back 3 days later anyway. When I got there it was a totally different story. “Ma'am this phone has been water damaged…blah, blah, blah… we cannot replace it unless you give us $200” I was pissed! “I just need a NEW BUTTON! You want me to pay $200 for a new button?” I stomped out of the store and haven’t looked back since.

I’m not sure how my phones keep getting water damaged, you would think I take them swimming. I’m convinced the moisture in the air trips that moisture sensor in the damned phone. Noentheless, you can’t insure the iPhone, so I’m stuck with a phone that has a missing volume button, and that’s fine with me, because I refuse to pay for an entirely new phone just to replace a single button. That’s stupid, and not to mention bad for the environment!

I’m sure Apple makes lovely products. I’m just not happy about the scam I feel I’ve been drawn into. Now I’m totally addicted to my iPhone they know they can charge me whatever for it, and I’ll pay it. Talk about a downfall.

I Wish I Could “F”(fix) Every Radio in the World (Every Radio)

I love music. It is like air. It is so integral to everything I am. I love all types of music. R&B soothes the soul. Country is King of the Ballad and Classical is romantic. I love Rock and Roll for its rebellious spirit, and Hip Hop for its creativity and the incorporation of poetry. Pop music is fun and defines eras. I’ve spent my entire life listening to music because I am happy when I am surrounded by its sounds. I don’t think this makes me unique or original. In fact, love for music is more universal than much anything else. I have never met anyone who claimed to dislike music. Music prevails above all ideology.

For decades radio has provide us with music for free and introduced us to many of the songs, genres, and artists we love most. Radio has the potential to be such an awesome means to bond a community over a mutual love and respect for music. However, the way things are going I’m afraid community is the furthest thing from the minds of those controlling our airwaves.

Having spent some time working in the radio industry here’s a quick lesson explaining how radio works. Radio stations are a lot like magazines. They speak to very specific demographics and represent very specific genres. These factors determine what music a given radio station will play in its rotation. Let’s take your typical “hip hop” radio station for example. These stations usually are classified as Contemporary Hits and Rhythmic stations by industry insiders, and typically target women ages 18-34.

Much like television, radio programmers and executives care very little about content; their primary objective is revenue; which is generated through the sale of advertisements. In order to sell advertisements radio stations have to present prospective advertisers with ratings. The higher a station’s ratings the more revenue a station can generate for advertisements. Therefore while the overall objective is to generate revenue by selling advertisements, a radio station’s more immediate goal is to produce ratings. This is why you always here stations going on (usually in exaggeration) about being “#1” (sometimes even the perception of high ratings can benefit a station’s overall ratings). But just claiming to be #1 isn’t enough to produce numbers that really count. To do that stations need real live listeners.

Radio people think radio listeners are pretty simple. In order to get them to listen you give them “things”. And so is born “the radio promotion”. These promotions vary from the charitable to the zany. Nevertheless, promotions cost money! A 30 second radio ad doesn’t pull in the type of money a 30 second television ad pulls in, and opposed to popular belief radio stations aren’t making a ton of money. Just ask anyone who has ever had the pleasure of working as a Jock (a Disc Jockey in laymen’s terms). It is not the glamor filled job many people believe it is. Most Jocks are paid a shameful salary, that does not include any benefits. Believe it or not the “voice of your city” probably isn’t as fabulous as they would like to make you think. No Benz, no luxury pimp suites, no designer clothes. Jocks are usually paid in perception, and access. They are perceived a certain way by listeners, and have access to “perks” most people do not have access to. That’s it! I say all that just to attest to the fact that radio stations do not have that much money, but these promotions they run cost a lot of money. This begs the question… Where are they getting the money from?

A quick History lesson—Payola is the "illegal practice of payment or other inducement by record companies for the broadcast of recordings on music radio, in which the song is presented as being part of the normal day's broadcast. Under US law, a radio station can play a specific song in exchange for money, but this must be disclosed on the air as being sponsored airtime, and that play of the song should not be counted as a "regular airplay." The term has come to refer to any secret payment made to cast a product in a positive light (such as obtaining positive reviews)” (Wikipedia- Payola, 2009).

Despite the fact that Payola is illegal—I can tell you, (quote me on this) if it weren’t for payola many program directors would not know how to program their radio stations. While I have never personally witnessed actual cash money being exchanged from record label to radio station—I have seen this practice take place in a more underhanded less obvious way.

You ever win a CD during a radio station’s weekend promotion? Where do you think those boxes of CD’s come from? They are gifts from the label. In exchange for a box of CD’s it is not uncommon for a radio station to run an entire weekend promotion centered around the release of “50 Cent’s (or any other artist’s) new album. This lends itself to more 50 Cent songs being played during that weekend and 50 Cent being cast in a positive light by the Jocks giving his CD’s away. When stations have concert tickets to give away, they don’t buy those tickets, they are gifts from the label. When stations “sponsor” concerts all they do is call in favors to label reps (a subject I will discuss more in depth). Radio stations don’t pay for anything, not the venue, not the artists, not a thing! Nor do they disclose to their listeners that their latest promotion is being sponsored by Interscope, BMG, Columbia, or whatever label they have most recently whored the airwaves out to.

Label reps are another chapter in the payola story that deserves some attention. Label reps are a lot like pharmaceutical reps. They are responsible for a cluster of artists under the label, and a specific geographical region Their job is to promote these artists and get their songs out to the public, specifically within a designated region. A label rep may look at BDS reports, which report how many spins a song has gotten, as well as a breakdown of how many spins each radio station has given a song. After looking at BDS a label rep will typically contact a programming director (PD) at a station where the song is not getting a satisfactory number of spins and ask the PD to rotate the song more heavily in the rotation, or even “break” (introduce a new song) a song into the rotation. If a PD does a favor for a label rep there is an unspoken expectation that the rep will “come through” when the PD needs a favor. These favors don’t always come in the form of promotional material either. Sometimes it is more obscene. As a Jock I received access to countless tables and bottles at clubs paid for by record labels. Wild and crazy private parties exclusively for "radio people" are sponsored by record labels. Entire staffs of radio stations are treated to opulent meals at 5 star restaurants charged to a label reps corporate credit card. Programming directors often receive expensive gifts ranging from flowers to jewelry to designer apparel. The bigger the radio station, and the more influence the station has on the national radio trends the more grotesque the payola.

The reason payola was made illegal was to avoid the very circumstance radio has found itself in today. Small labels can’t get their songs played on the radio because they can’t afford to wine and dine the stations; therefore, the artist represented by these labels rarely enjoy the kind of success less talented artists represented by larger labels are accustomed to. Ultimately the Big labels “own” the airwaves and determine what songs get played. We as listeners are forced to listen to the same 20 tired, and ridiculous songs over and over again until we know all the words, and even find ourselves and our children singing along to a song with lyrics as disgusting and degrading as “I wish I could ‘F’ every girl in the world”.

I should clarify not ALL radio stations partake in this type of practice. In fact many program directors refuse to even take calls from label reps, or receive any promotional material. It is the few stations that are partaking in these practices that are ruining it for everyone. I hope this awareness allows you to experience radio armed with the information necessary to push back. If you have any questions or comments please post and I will answer to the best of my ability.

Boys Behaving Badly!

Fall is a beautiful time of year. Not only are the leaves serenading us, making us feel the colors that they bring, the air is brisk and warm simultaneously, school is starting, sweaters make their way out of the back of our closets, and football season begins. With a new season there is always controversy: trades, cuts, management issues; this year, however, has been especially scandalous. With the return of Michael Vick, the sentencing of Plaxico Burress, the rape allegation surrounding Ben Roethlisberger, and the most recent incident involving Shawne Merriman choking Tila Tequila- the NFL is starting to resemble something of a Soap Opera. In my opinion all this drama is distracting and ultimately antithetical to the image the NFL should be seeking to maintain—and it hasn’t always been this way. Athletes in previous years were fairly low on the TMZ style news radar. It has not been until recently that athletes have become so widely and publicly notorious.

Let’s look at Shawne Merriman in particular. The San Diego Charger’s defensive player is young, handsome, Black, and rich—apparently a perfect recipe for the ultimate in Tomfoolery. Shawne is 25 years old and he makes millions of dollars yearly. He wants for nothing and is surrounded by people who are constantly offering him disingenuous praise and a never-ending flood of “Yes”. He was recently featured in the Keri Hilson/ Kanye West “Knock You Down” video, and he was even a judge for the Miss USA pageant. While these are impressive resume notes, they have nothing to do with FOOTBALL.

For whatever the reason, this young man got himself involved with reality TV dating show star, Tila Tequila. While there is little information regarding the nature of his relationship with the former MySpace sensation, Merriman was arrested for choking and restraining the petite Hollywood hopeful. How is it that a person with all the choices his financial resources have presented him, can find himself in such a situation? I contend it is simply stupidity and a lack of passion for his athletic gift.

Athletes need to stop trying to be celebrities and need to start perfecting their athletic skill. Michael Jordan was a celebrity, not because he was out on the town canoodling with one of the Kardashian sisters. MJ was a celeb because MJ was an athlete—and a damned great one. I remember sitting in front of the television with a bucket of Rainbow Sherbet from Baskin and Robbins, my dad adjusting the rabbit ear antennas as we watched Michael Jordan in awe. Even though I was really young, it was like I knew I was witnessing something other worldly. Nowadays we catch rare incidence of athletic greatness.

To the beloved athletes, here’s some advice. Stop trying to be featured in Kanye’s new video, stop sleeping around, take care of the children you have and don’t bring any more illegitimate children in to this world, get your finances in order, make some reasonable investments, become a genuinely involved member of the community, and get serious about your game. Here’s a thought, why don’t you start training in the off season? Not those wimpy workouts that are required by the team; I’m talking Walter Payton style. I want to see you run up an eighty degree hill with a back pack and sweat socks. What happened to the REAL athletes?

Michael Jordan was great because he practiced harder than all the other players on the court! Maybe more practice would lend itself to less free time. Less time to go to the club, less time to possess illegal weapons, less time for bank rolling illegal activities, less time to chase women, maybe even less time to assault, choke, or rape women. Athletes just seem to be drifting further and further away from being positive examples of what hard work and determination garner; and closer to being examples of what money ignorance, and unbridled power amount to—usually jail time.

Departmentalizing Department Stores

Something rare happened this week. I went shopping on West Wilshire Boulevard, right by Rodeo Drive. Nope, I still haven’t worked up enough nerve to tease myself with the opulence that is Rodeo Drive, the cornerstone of Beverly Hills shopping; but I am getting close. I made stops at three of the biggest names in luxury department stores: Barney’s, Neiman’s and Saks. Never mind what I was buying, or wasn’t buying for that matter. I would like to talk about my experiences.

First I went to Saks. I entered and I walked through a shoe department that had more salesmen than patrons, none of whom were excited to offer me any help. At the front door there was a shoe sale rack. The shoes were allegedly organized by size. But after sifting through the 9-9 1/2 section I recognized the shoes were in no particular order, just sloppily strewn up on the metal rack. I was surprised that Saks would let this be the first thing customers walking through the front door would see. It was a sea of popular designer shoes from Fendi, and Christian Louboutin, to Jimmy Choo and Prada. Seeing them in such a state of terror really took away some of the “Sex and the City” enchantment surrounding the brands. I was quickly bored and decided to head upstairs and check out the Contemporary department. By this time I have been in the store for about 20 minutes and no one had offered to help me or even greeted me. This is, might I add ,the same Saks that Winona Ryder infamously stole all those clothes from a few years back. I always wondered why a celebrity of her stature would steal clothes. I figured she must be some sort of kleptomaniac or something. But after this experience, Golly! No wonder she stole an approxiamate $20,000 worth of merchandise out of this joint. The people who work here will ignore you to the point you will be willing to do just about anything to get their attention. I was thoroughly annoyed and decided to head to Neiman’s.

At Neiman’s I was immediately greeted with warm eyes, a smile, and a "Can I help you?”. The lady in the Contemporary department admired the green sweater I had on. She said I looked beautiful in green and suggested I try on some of the green dresses that were on sale. I didn’t buy any of them, but I sure tried them on. Unfortunately the selection at Neiman’s was disappointing. But the service was so great, had I been able to find something I liked I would have bought it. Oh well, off to Barney’s.

I walked in the front door of Barney’s and entered the main level. I swear I heard angels singing. I looked up and saw a beautiful winding staircase, to my left makeup, and to my right, Mecca… the shoe department. “Hello” was in the air. Everyone was so friendly. The sale rack was neat and organized. Nothing like the “hot mess” I encountered at Saks. I ended up purchasing a few things and walked out swinging bags and humming contently. I felt like Goldilocks. Saks was too “ugh”, Neiman’s was too “ho hum”, but Barney’s was “just right”.

I had to go back into Saks to get my parking validated. I was not happy, I didn’t want to wait 30 minutes for someone to notice me just so I could get validated. I held my head up high and marched in the main door. The same salesmen that had ignored me before were tripping over themselves to greet me this time. I looked down at my chest, I was convinced I was having a wardrobe malfunction. No, all was intact. What was different? Oh, I had Barney’s bags, duh. It wasn’t until I had these accessories that I looked like a paying customer. A tall middle aged man with a mustache walked up to me. His hair was slicked back and he looked like a used car salesman. “May I help you with something, Miss?” He asked, almost salivating at the mouth. “Yes”, I said with a suspicious smile “you can validate my parking”.

Btw, Barney’s is having an amazing sale… check it out www. Barneys.com

Confessions of a Mass Murderer: How I killed music

The year—2000, age—19, the crime—free music downloading. It was the hay day of Napster. CD’s that had cracked in half, gotten scratched beyond any sort of playability, mysteriously went missing after a party I had hosted, and even those I never bought but always wanted were right at my finger tips. Sure, it took several hours to download a full CD, since my internet speed was so slow; but music, for the first time in my life, was free—I was free. And it was in that unbridled autonomy that killed music

.

Sure, the monotonous playlists offered by payola ridden radio stations played a huge and undeniable role in the death of music, but there is definitely blood on my hands. To better understand my role in the death of music let’s talk about how I used to get CD’s.

In prehistoric times there were these places called ‘record stores’. They could be found in shopping malls with names like “Sam Goody”, and were settings for cult classic films like “Empire Records”. My favorite record store was a little known shop called ‘Record Service’, located in the heart of the University of Illinois’ campus-town. It was what I considered one of the many advantages of growing up in a college town. This independent record store was filled with many genres of music from rap and pop, to zydeco and acid jazz. On the back wall they had records-- real vinyl records. Nowadays I don’t even know where you can go to buy vinyl (besides a garage sale or a thrift store).

There were listening stations where you could listen to an entire album before you bought it (much more satisfying than the 30 second snippet offered by itunes). The employees were super cool off-beat college kids who were in bands, and had listened to every record in the entire store. I could walk in there and say things like “what’s good?” and it was more than just a meaningless greeting. I’d get answers like “Oh, you gotta check out this cat Roy Hargrove”, or “Erykah Badu’s gotta new album coming out in a couple weeks”. This is how I found out about a lot of the artists I love today.

As a freshman in college a friend and I waited outside of Record Service for the midnight release of D’Angelo’s Voodoo album, which we had prepaid for anticipating it selling out. I don’t do stuff like that anymore. Maybe because I’m completely jaded, and finding good music nowadays is something similar to looking for a diamond in a landfill (although I do appreciate Maxwell’s latest contribution). Buying music online, or even downloading it for free is not the same! It’s like buying a Louis Vuitton bag in a back alley out of some guy’s trunk versus buying the same bag in the store (not that I’ve ever personally bought a Louis Vuitton bag anywhere, but never mind that). You are completely robbed of the experience. And now that record stores are outta the way, how do we hear about new music? The radio? Music videos? Maybe an underground blog if we are lucky? Womp, Womp!

By downloading music I have taken the democratization out of the process. I usually download old stuff, or music from established artists. I can’t remember the last time I discovered a new artist from downloading, or “surfing itunes” (again… womp ,womp). I’m sure this makes things more difficult for the artists out there who are starving trying to make it to the top. Music is far less subject to individual tastes, and now the evil corporate labels have even more power to influence our decisions. iTunes is not a virtual music store, not even close. It’s an online commercial vendor, completely controlled by the corporate giants for the purpose of promoting their interests; and worst of all… I help them do it.

And this is how I killed music.

Support your local record store, if you can find one…